


La Petite

by bonnie_wee_swordsman



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Dragonfly in Amber, Fraser Family Feels, Guilt, Missing Scene, father/son feels, what might have been
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-13 23:43:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7143221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonnie_wee_swordsman/pseuds/bonnie_wee_swordsman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A very short, standalone Fergus ficlet taking place mid Dragonfly in Amber as the Frasers make their way back to Lallybroch from Paris. Paternal!Jamie fluff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	La Petite

**“Milord?”**

“Aye, lad?”

It was strange to be sleeping under the stars again, after so many months of fine beds, servants, extravagant clothing and even more extravagant customs. To once again be curled up around a peat fire amid the heather in a bed of plaid: _it felt like home_. Like those early days with Jamie. Before Comtes or Kings or _Disciples_. Before Faith.

 _Forever, little one_.

Blinking back tears, I rolled over quietly to see the scene unfolding. Jamie, sitting on the ground, sharpening his dirk before the fire. Fergus, holding something out to him. The fire cast their faces beautifully in gold and shadows.

Jamie shook his head, “I dinna need that at the moment, lad, for ‘tis almost time for sleep. Or do ye have such romantic notions that ye expect now that I’m back in the Highlands, I shall be buckling on my swordbelt before I take to my bed?” he teased, smiling up fondly at the boy.

“ _No_ , milord.” Fergus was not playing or jesting. He held out the belt again, insistently. “It is not to wear. It is for you to use. On me. _Now_.”

Jamie sat up straight, setting down the dirk. “What are you on about, lad? What is this?”

Fergus took a deep breath, speaking gravely. “You once punished me with ten strokes. For failing to do my duty by milady. Allowing her into the strange man’s carriage.”

From my shadowed vantage point, I couldn’t help but smile. While the offense had scarcely been the major crime Fergus believed it to be, Jamie had thought the beating necessary to “save his honor.”

Jamie was barely suppressing a grin himself. “Aye, lad,” he said with careful gravitas, “I _remember_ , but—”

Fergus shook the belt in front of Jamie impatiently. “You must punish me again, Milord. And then you must dismiss me.”

“ _Dismiss_ ye? Are ye daft, there’s no reason I’d—“ began Jamie.

Fergus all but shouted, “It is MY fault _la petite_ is dead and you must punish me for it! _One hundred strokes,_ at least.”

All three of us fell silent. I pressed my hand wordlessly to my mouth. Seeing the look on Fergus’s face, my heart had contracted so tightly I thought it would disappear. Utter shame mingled with the grim resolve of one who has accepted the inevitability of approaching death. Both so wrong, so tragic on the features of one so young. The look on Jamie’s face was just as heartbreaking. Shock. Pity. The still so recent rawness of his grief… our grief. _And something else_. 

His reply was very hoarse, but firm. “ _No_ , lad.”

Fergus was not to be dissuaded. His words spilled out in an enraged hysteria as he shook the belt fiercely in Jamie’s face. “It _is_ my fault. You know it is, Milord. I killed your child, and I must _pay_!  If I hadn’t allowed the English officer to—to lay hands on me, you would not have gone to the duel, and Madame would not have gone after you, and le bébé would not have-”

In one fluid motion, Jamie snatched the belt from Fergus’ shaking hands and hurled it aside. He was on one knee before him now, grasping the narrow shoulders tightly.

“Listen to me.” Jamie’s voice was hard, deep, and low. An unmistakable growl. “I know…” he paused, gritting his teeth. “I _know_ …what it is to suffer at the hands of that man. And you willnae  _ever_. _Ever_. Apologize. To _anyone.._. For what that bastard did to ye.  _Tu m'écoutes_?”

Fergus’s eyes were glassy in the firelight. A protest was forming on his lips, but Jamie stopped him. “There’s nothing you could have done to… to stop him _laying hands on you_. _Nothing_. And I willnae even consider punishing ye, for ye’ve done nothing wrong.”

Fergus was crying now, staring doggedly at the ground between his feet.  

“But there _is_ one thing I will ask of you, Fergus.”

“Anything, Milord,” he said fervently.

Jamie hesitated before speaking. “ _Will ye consider forgiving me, Fergus_? For failing to protect ye?”

The boy’s sweet eyes came up, horrified by this request. “ _Milord_ , you couldn’t have—”

“I _could_. I could have kept you by my side. I _failed ye_. And I shall never forgive myself for it, but I pray that you’ll grant me your forgiveness. One day, if not today.”

A sob escaped the boy’s throat, and with a choked sound of his own, Jamie pulled him close. Fergus’ arms came up to wrap tightly around Jamie’s neck. He looked so small, there, pressed against the broad chest.  

“As for _la petite_ ,” Jamie’s voice cracked, but he pushed on. “God had already begun to call wee Faith to heaven long before the Englishman attacked ye… Milady had started bleeding many days before the woods. Ye’ll know from _Maison Elise_ that it’s a sign that doesnae bode well for the bairn, no matter what the circumstances, aye?” Fergus nodded heavily against Jamie’s shoulder, sniffling and struggling to catch a deep breath. 

Jamie stroked the silky hair and spoke now with supreme gentleness. “She’s at rest, now, lad. And we shall pray for her every day together. But you’re no’ to blame. Not for one bit of it.”

They swayed in the firelight for a long time, Jamie murmuring tender reassurances. I couldn’t hear them all. But I did hear the last, a whisper that carried as clearly as an oath as Jamie tucked the sleeping boy into his pallet in the heather.  

**_“I would fight a thousand duels more to spare you. Mon fils.”_ **


End file.
